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The Man Behind the Capsule:
An Interview with Capsule Corporation's Third Gen President
Setting: I managed to sqeeze into the young President's busy work schedule on a Friday afternoon. We conduct this interview in his lofty executive office.
Firstly, I thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to talk with me.
(he's blushing). It's no problem. You called well enough in advance so an appointment could be arranged. My secretary keeps me well informed.
Well, I'll not take up too much of your precious time so I'll get straight to the questions. How you acquired this position is a given, but how did you take Capsule Corporation to such an expansive position as it is now?
Actually, my mother started its expansion. Her desire to invent spurred me into this position as soon as I graduated from college. I guess it was her 'graduation gift' to me. The ground breaking for this new building had occurred by my third year in college. Capsule Corporation's products were and still are in high demand and the little building that housed it and our family's residence was becoming too small to maintain increasing demands. Oh, and this new buiding's design is not one by me.
You were quick to mention the buildings uh, 'shape.' Why does it have such a peculiar, but known shape?
Yes, a penis and balls. (he blushes again and this time with a shy smile) I don't know. I didn't then and don't now, want to ask my mother why. But, this is a question all you lady reporters ask so I figured I'd get it done and over with at the very beginning.
Okay, I'll change the subject then. You are the third President of this company, succeeding your grandfather then mother. Where are you taking this family-run business?
I honestly don't know. It's doing everything we want it to and then some. Just maintaining its production, distribution, and creating new and exciting products is good enough. Before you say it, why not growth? If a company gets too big, it can often do itself in. This company is where it needs to be to maintain the above mentioned items.
Very well said. So, what is it like to be one of the youngest corporate president's currently residing over a large, multinational business?
At first it was rough. I had to gain the respect of all our clients, partners, and so forth. But then again, my mother had to do the same. If anything, she had it worse than I, seeing how she's female. There weren't too many female top execs and still aren't. Anyway, my youth cause many other company presidents to be on their guard. I'm unpredictable to them. To be honest, I'm unpredictable to even myself. I have the skills necessary to run a business like this, but I lack experience. The older presidents are like dogs salivating over just one bone. I'm that bone. But I'm gaining in popularity among them and society for that matter. As long as I prove my worth I guess.
You've been in and around this company since you were born. How can you not have skills and experience with running a company. How about a big, personal question...why aren't you married yet?
(chuckles lightly). I knew that question was dying to be asked! You're a woman, what do you think?
You know what we think Mr. Briefs. You haven't been seen with a date nor do you seem to pursue such.
So, the question actually is, are you gay?
(my turn to blush). Well, I guess you could put it that way.
I'm not gay. I'm just not overly interested in relationships at this time in my life. My father and mother were both older when they got together. It may be genetic. Besides, every person I meet is what could be termed a gold-digger. They see my money, my power, my looks, something other than who I really am.
And who IS Mr. Trunks Vegeta Briefs?
(long pause). I wish I knew. Perhaps that is the problem. If I don't know myself, than how can others?
The rumor-mill often suggests a Ms. Pan Son or Ms. Marron as possible mates for you?
Heheh, yeah, so I've heard. Honestly, they are friends. It would be difficult to cross the line. It would jeopardize my friendships with them.
You never once thought them possiblities? I mean, Mr. Satan's granddaughter already has power and money so I doubt she'd seek such from you?
Pan is a very close friend. Add to that our ages. She's an entire generation below me. Her mother used to babysit me. Her father is like a big brother to me. And I used to babysit Pan. So, how awkward is that?
I suppose so. I had to ask it though. Onto lighter questions. You knew you'd be coaxed into the family business since you were a boy. Was there ever anything else you wanted to be if you didn't have to run the family business?
A secret agent, something like James Bond. Bust the bad guys, play with neato inventions, get the girls...
How fascinating! And how about another general question. What would it be like to live with you?
(the adorable blush appears yet again). I'm a gentleman. My mother raised me that way. I was a brat as a boy, but it manifested into proper manners somehow. Yes, I'm a momma's boy, I admit that. I may be a bit old-fashioned as well. A modern day woman may find it almost offensive or sexist. I would not require her to work. I have no problems cooking or cleaning, even after a long day at work. I'd open doors for her and other things of a chivalrous nature. I can't help it.
A romantic! How attractive! Okay, now the 'what ifs.' What would a date be like with you?
Similar to what I said about living with me. I'm a gentleman. Perhaps a movie, dinner, the basics. I don't sleep with a lady on the first date. In fact, I rarely sleep with them at all. I know that's contrary to what everyone on the street says about me. But I believe in firmly knowing somebody before going that far with them. I'm not some playboy bachelor exec who struts a nightlife with his stretch limo and caviar. In fact, I rarely get out of this building before 6pm and even then, there's nightly work-related obligations such as receptions, galas, and so forth that I must attend on behalf of the company.
Quite true. Business rarely ends at the punch of the clock. Okay Mr. Briefs, you know you are this planet's most eligible bachelor and that many a female consider you a sex symbol. What is Trunks V. Briefs like sexually?
(yet another cute blush). Isn't that a bit too personal?
Inquiring minds want to know. Besides your sexual prowess is also in that rumor mill of street talk.
Fine then. Well, as I said, I don't sleep around. I will admit, I'm no virgin, but most of my experience was during my teen and college years. I don't have much time to get to know a lady well enough these days to actually bed her. (smirks) Though the rumors seem true that I am very well, how should I say, endowed.
(my turn to blush again) Oh my! There IS spunk to you! Well, uh, thank you for that bit of uh, personal information. Now uh, let's change the subject. What's your relationship like with your family,your mother, father, sister?
I'm closest to my mother, being a momma's boy and all. We are also both involved in running this company. As for my father, I strive to make him proud, but I know little as to whether or not I'm succeeding. He's a man who speaks few words. As for my little sister, we are very typical. We can get along one minute and fight the next. She's grown up under the influence of strong women and she's becoming one herself. I often do the most gentlemanly thing possible in such instances...
And that is?
I let her have her way. I'm not a fool you know.
Well, I see your secretary wants into this office so I guess my time is up. Perhaps we can continue this in an interview at another time?
Sure. My place or yours?
Mr. Briefs!?
I'm just kidding. Just ask my sec for another appointment. I'd be willing to be thrown into this gauntlet of questions again for some reason.
Thank you for your time and answers Mr. Briefs. The world now has a little more insight to Capsule Corporation's third generation leader. Until next time, then.
End interview.