Trunks' Survival List to Running a Business

(aka: How to prevent your untimely death)

(author's note: please do NOT take these seriously...but you already knew that, right?)

 

Not in any particular order...

1. Meetings: Avoid them like the plague. If you must appear in one then be sure the damn thing is short, to-the-point, and meaningful. In fact, if you can't write out the entire meeting on one half sheet of paper, then you are headed down death's hallway. Good luck weasling out of that situation.

 

2. Phone Calls: Don't answer them...that's what secretaries are for...unless it's your mother. If it's your mother...well, no elaboration is necessary.

 

3. Client visits: Suggest a neutral (and hopefully fun-for-you setting). A place with food, entertainment, or the opposite sex in revealing outfits are worthy recommandations. These distractions may work to your advantage or, at least, give you something else to focus on.

 

4. Contracts: These are nothing but more paperwork. Sure, a lawyer will say otherwise, but you know better. Avoid contracts. They are the devil. Once you sign one, you may as well throw in your soul too.

 

5. Secretaries: They are beings with angels wings and a devil's tail. Stay on their good side and they will help you will all those nuances in running the biz. Cross one and they will make sure you have tons of meetings to attend, phone calls to answer, and writing your own damn letters. You will have to add a bed to your office because she will never free up your schedule! You will slowly die of lack of food and sleep, and wet your pants several times since a bathroom break will be the last thing she ever grants you!

 

6. Meal Meetings: These are luncheons or dinners with clients, partners, etc. Let them order first. If they order the lobster and caviar do NOT stay. Leave as soon as possible with as much dignity as possible.

 

7. Working Hours: If you're the president of a company, then why in HFIL are you working longer hours than the custodian!? You're the number one boss...treat yourself that way.

 

8. Share/Stockholders: They are the devil's demons in disguise. Be wary of them. Never be on their bad side. Should you fall onto their bad side, good luck dealing with the surging crash of company stock prices and the lynch mob of employees out for your head.

 

9. Moms in Office, especially as Chairperson: Rare, but if this happens to you...be afraid, be very afraid.

 

10. Prototype products due for release: Ever gamble? If so, you know you're luck. If not, then good luck because your new product is a crapshoot in the real market.

 

11. Moms creating aforementioned prototype products: see #9 above.

 

12. Unusual family/personal life: If you run a company and you have some weird or freaky relatives or life, proceed in work with caution. If you don't understand this concept here's an example: check out the reactions of your fellow employees after you tell them you're a half-alien with monkey-like attributes and superhero-like powers and your mother did a full blood alien to bring forth your existence. The expressions are priceless! Never keep secrets from your employees. If they don't find out the truth from you, they will find out through the rumormill of corporate gossip which is often more hyped than a newsreporter's desperate story!

 

13. Business Conferences: Attend! They are fancy names for "mini-vacation." Most get nothing done at all aside from partying all day/night long on some other company's corporate expense.

 

14. Speeches: One word: teleprompter. And, again, if you can't say what you need to on a half sheet of paper then you're truly a lost soul. They will eat you alive.

 

15. Dress code: It's unbelievable how we all conform to some traditional law that the number one boss needs to wear a suit. You're the number one boss. If you don't like suits, then change the stupid rule...that's what being "number one" boss is all about!

 

16. Sleeping with an employee or a rival or affiliate company's employee: You know what this means...if you're stupid enough to ignore the consequences then you deserve everything that happens to you.

 

17. Paperwork: A deadly disease. Avoid it as much as possible. You pay people to work for you...so, give them some work!

 

18. Galas & Golf: Fancy names for more work.

 

author's note: there would have been more, but Trunks suddenly turned tail and flew out his office window...wonder what that was all about? Perhaps he'll reveal the reason behind those little flights someday. But for now, the advice above will suffice.