usual disclaimers apply

Author's Note: I've often pondered a way to explain the differences between teen Trunks at the end of DBZ and the adult Trunks we see in GT. This is one of my attempts of interpretation. It's potential T/P, but I don't explore it much further than mere mention in the story. This fic is from Trunks' perspective, roughly 4 years after the events of GT as an entry in his "journal"

I feel the need to place this tormenting memory into writing. It's been bottled up in my heart and soul for far too long now and I don't have the guts to sacrafice my pride and visit some shrink. My mother wonders about me. My friends wonder about me. And worse yet, I worry about me. What am I talking about? Well, first I must take inventory. I'm currently 32 years old and doing very well. I'm a popular and skilled corporate president, running my family's company, Capsule Corporation and making it one of if not, the most powerful companies in the entire world. I'm strong, handsome, very wealthy, and have caring family and friends. So what's the problem you ask? Simple...at this age, I'm still a bachelor. No, it's not something I expected to be at this point in my life. Well, it's something that almost wasn't back during my college years. Allow me to digress.

It started my freshman year. I was a dashing 18 year old fresh out of high school where I was king. Obviously, with my genius intellect, I was a straight A student, and with my looks and athletic ability, I was the hottest male in the school. I was extremely popular, voted class president all four years, and could get any girl I wanted with just a mere glance of interest. In general terms, in high school I was a god...and I knew it. Yes, my ego and pride were as high as my father's.

And so, this is what I brought to college. I never thought about the lonliness of living away from home...away from my mother. Yes, I admit it now, I was and still am, a momma's boy. She spoiled and pampered me all my life, so sue me. Sure, given I'm half saiyan and can easily fly anytime I want, I still felt homesick. I flew home every weekend, well almost every weekend. When I wasn't homesick, I was enjoying my newfound freedom and utilizing my social skills by making more and more friends. Naturally though, Goten remained and forever will be, my greatest friend. I even invited him over to campus to sample the intellectual environment (hey, Gohan has brains so it may be that Goten's are just dorment). He wasn't so hip on the classes, but he did enjoy the varieties of food and females present. Then again, so did I.

I'll get a little personal since it's probably necessary. I lost my virginity at age 15 to a library assistant. Hey, she was barely 21 and a college student at local West Cap U. She was filling in some teaching credits at our high school. The library turned out to be one of my most favorite places. My mother thought it as a fullfillment of my desire to enhance my intellect, much like Gohan. I was enhancing and gathering knowledge, but for the 'other' brain. Our "fling" was short-lived however. It was purely out of physical attraction and curiousity. To this day, I will never reveal her name nor our experiences together. Not even my mother knows...unless she gets a hold of this journal. Once the hurdle of that "first-time" was past, I sought out company with the opposite sex my own age. Goten and I had some sort of unspoken competition going...to see who would date or score the most. It's a typical teenage thing that boys our age did. I'm not ashamed of it. I guess I could be termed as a "player." I didn't keep relationships for very long in high school, not when the whole world was my oyster, especially the females. I was drop dead handsome! Of course I'm going to utilize such a gift.

Now, back to college. My freshman year was full of adventure! All sorts of knowledge being crammed into my brain. All sorts of experiences from sports, to making new friends, to freedoms and funs Iimited only by the time of day and my responsibilities to learning. It was an emotional ride as well. On any given day, I'd feel emotions all across the board from sadness to jubiliation. It was at a sad point that I met her, a female who nearly stole my heart.

I was feeling lonely. I missed my mother. Hell, I even missed my father's yelling and rough sparring sessions. I sat alone beside a fountain outside of the school's bookstore listening to the falling water while staring at the same page in my textbook for nearly an hour. My brain was within itself, lost in thoughts of home and family. I even missed my mother's cooking and my sister's badgering. I even missed going super saiyan. I had to hide so much of myself while attending university. Oh yeah, I was attending West Cap U. I know, I know, it's in the same damn city as my home residence, but mother forbid me to live at home or even visit on weekdays. Weekends only. She wanted me to get accustomed to being on my own away from her grasp. I swear it was harder on her than on me, but she would never admit that.

Apparently I wasn't alone in my feelings of lonliness and homesickness. A young lady, a sophomore, sat on the other side of the fountain. It didn't take her long to approach me. Hey, I'm Trunks Vegeta Briefs, son to Bulma Briefs, grandson to Dr. Briefs, and heir to the fast growing Capsule Corporation. I was popular and noticeable even in the vast variety of a university environment. I guess you might call it celebrity status. But I'm straying again. This girl, a modest, somewhat shy, but very cute nonetheless must have been seeking the same thing I was...a kindred soul. I'm used to girls making themselves known to me, but this one seemed different. She dressed very practically in a university t-shirt and sweatpants. She wore very little makeup if any. Her body was lean yet not overly so. Her light brown hair was combed, but straight and shoulder-length. Her blue eyes were very much like my own. Most people expected me to date models or actresses, those with status similar to what I'd have once I acquired my family's business. But, that's stereotyping. I'm not that way. Sure, I dated the usual cheerleader in high school, but that was in part due to hormones. I've since cured my curiousity about sex...I think. Or...at least until this ordinary girl walked into my view. And I remember the conversations with her like they were yesterday.

She smiled sweetly and I kindly met her eyes and said hello. We both noticed that we were holding the same text book. It was a great ice-breaker.

"You take Management 201 too?" I asked. She nodded.

"What time?"

"1:00."

"Oh, you have Struthers. I'm in the class after you...at 2:00 with Whittley."

"I hear he's tough. I had him for Intro to Business. "

"Yeah. I tried to get Struthers, but the class was already full when I registered. Freshmen get last dibs."

"I remember. So, let me guess...you're majoring in Business."

"My mother wouldn't have it any other way. And yourself?"

"Business, but specializing in Marketing. "

"Hey, wanna get an ice cream?"

"Sure. Oh, by the way, my name's Clarisse. Clarisse Banks."

"And I'm---"

"No need. You're Trunks Vegeta Briefs, son to Capsule Corp's president, Bulma Briefs."

"Afraid so."

"Afraid?"

"Don't get me started on that subject. Banks eh...any relation to the president of Abra Corporation, Zeke Banks?"

"He's my father."

"Thought so. You have his finesse with conversation. Abra's one of Capsule Corp's major suppliers. We may work together someday."

"Perhaps."

And that was the first experience I had with Clarisse. We had many more experiences as suddenly we became an item and she was the first "steady" girlfriend I ever had. She is also the last.

Clarisse and I shared more than just a common background and future. We were both destined to inherit control of our family's companies and we were both weaned into such from a very early age. We both shared a love for practicality...the ability to just be ourselves and not give in to stereotypes. Turns out she practiced martial arts though she never entered any tournaments. She wasn't of that caliber.

We learned a lot from each other and eventually became intimate. (I don't make love to a lady on the first date or even the few after...I want to know her fully before going THAT far). Our intimacy seemed natural and perfect. We laughed at our flaws (though I still debate whether I ever had any), and we even made sex a play game...almost like when as kids we play tag. Clarisse and I played sex. It was fun to say the least. We even discussed a potential future with us two together and how our companies would fit into that plan. For the first time in my life, I was very serious about a girl, so much so that I even introduced her to my family.

Mother was rather pleased. Afterall, Clarisse was trained in corporate ways and had the pedigree to go with it. And better yet, the prospect of grandchildren loomed ever closer for her. And with grandchildren, went the disapperance of that ever looming worry of an heir for the company beyond me. Father, well father didn't express interest one way or the other. I think mother got to him and told him that if he couldn't say something nice then he shouldn't say anything at all. I doubt I'd ever please my father, with mate choice, deeds, or any other action in my life so I was satisfied with his silence.

As the years progressed Clarisse and I were damn serious. To be truthful, she had already sucked in my heart and was drawing in my heart. I was in love...I guess. I can't define it any other way. I was considering cashing in some of my stocks to purchase a ring and propose to her after our graduation. See, I sped up my coursework being the genius that I am and was now the same class as she.

I'm sure you want to know about how a certain someone took to my love of Clarisse. Pan Son, the daughter of Gohan and Videl...I always thought her as a sister. She was such a cute little girl with spunk and fire well beyond the percentage of saiyan blood within her. I doubt she fully understood what was going on. She was just a little girl afterall who was more focused on becoming a little fighter. But still, whenever I looked into her little dark eyes, I could see an intelligence of understanding and perhaps the phrase, "how could you." It's a feeling in my gut I'll never forget. Did I wrong Pan? But how? She's just a little elementary age girl. For the record, she beat Goten on several more occasions after that one tournament when I was 18 and she was just 4. Poor Goten. He has a rough life in more ways than he deserves.

Anyhow, back to Clarisse. We were finally Seniors completing our final semester at West Cap U. I was, naturally rank number one in our class and poised to be valedictorian. It was to be expected afterall since shortly after graduating I would begin assuming control of Capsule Corporation, now a powerhouse in the world's economy. My mother said I would work two years as Vice President and then assume full presidency at age 25.

Well, it was one of those nights...midterms were just completed and Clarisse and I decided to celebrate that night. We did it in typical college style...alcohol and sex. First we partied with friends, then we ditched the party for a little celebrating alone...together. We went to her place since her daddy gave her access to a penthouse suite in one of the five star hotels in the city.

There's something alluring about a bottle of fine wine, a jacuzzi with bubble bath, and a nude woman. Perhaps too much. Two months later, Clarisse told me she was pregnant. Damn saiyan sperm! I thought we were careful. Hmm, well, it was time to cash in those stock options. No, I wasn't doing it just because she was pregnant with my child...but it was a perfect opportunity no matter how much of a cold calculating coincidence it may seem. Truth is, I was going to anyway as I said before. I had thought the matter over thoroughly prior to this action...I just wanted to wait until graduation. I'm sure her father was smiling evilly knowing that his company would be more secure for generations to come as a result of our unbridled passions. Still, I would hold to my plan...I would not propose until graduation, though I'm sure she knows it's coming.

Ten days prior to graduation, just after final exams, life dealt me an unexpected hand. It was a card I never wanted to see in my deck let alone in my hand.

Clarisse had opted to fly home to Southern Capital City to visit her family and plan for a graduation party with her parents as well as bring some of her stuff home. She was also going to let them know that I would be returning with her after graduation. Reason being...she had yet to tell them she was pregnant. In fact, I hadn't told my family either though father seemed to sense something amiss when I spoke with them. He's a genius tactician, I give him that.

I drove Clarisse to the executive airport where Abra's corporate jet was awaiting her. I remained and waved her off as the jet sped down the runway and leapt into the air. I too was going to head home and drop off my stuff as well as visit family. I'm sure mother was planning one of her famous "Briefs Bashes" but it would be delayed until I returned home after visiting Clarisse's homestead.

Clarisse said she'd call me every night. Since I would be at home, I gave her my parents' phone number. Night one went by without a call. I figured she was busy catching up with family or perhaps lost the number. Night two went by and I began to worry. I called her home and inquired. She never made it home. In fact, I soon learned that the corporate jet never landed...it crashed...no survivors. I don't remember any immediate events after I heard that. I just remember waking up in my mother's soothing arms. She was sobbing...so was I. Here I was a super saiyan, capable of moving mountains and I couldn't even save the one I loved! How pathetic is that?! My future wife, my unborn child...gone.

I did force myself to graduate and "go on" as many call it. But I was not the same man I was before. I had changed. I wasn't that swauve, cool guy I was when I was 18 nor did I care to be such. In her honor, I would dress how I wanted to dress regardless of style or image. I would act in ways I wanted to...be it goofy or not. And most importantly, I will not allow what others think of me to affect my life. They can call me dork, goof, or whatever they want. It'll not effect how and who I am. I know who I am and that's the only person that matters.

And here I am, 32 and still single. I felt as though I was widowed at the raw age of 21. I have not dated willingly nor had sex. The dates I do go on are corporate business...some woman accompanying me to some gala or reception simply because that's the expectation. It's all superficial. I don't think I can ever love again. Goten is still on his usual dating frenzy. I can't bring myself to socialize like he does...like I once did. But I often watch his antics and reminisce...of times when Clarisse and I shared similar times.

But even now, I peer into another set of eyes. Pan Son seems to always lurk in my shadows. Her childhood crush on me is still present and perhaps even stronger than ever. That year with her during that dragonball hunt revealed much and may have unlocked the heart which I shut off to all other women. She's officially a woman now. What does it mean? Are the cards telling me not to fold, but to play this new hand that's been dealt me? Only time will tell.

So now you know...what caused such a strange personality change in me, why I'm never seen dating, and why I act the way I do. It feels good to have that burden off my chest and committed in writing. My brain feels lighter knowing that every important bit is now retained in something other than my memory.

Clarisse, I will forever love you. I know you'd want me to be practical and that likely means get on with life and find another. Perhaps I will, but you will always forevermore, have a special place in my heart.

the end.