Entry 4: Please, not a sex change!
I fear even writing this entry, but since it was an important part of our mission, I have little choice. The latest planet we landed on, called Kerubo, didn't quite go as smoothly as I hoped. Than again, when does it ever? Anyway, we tracked a dragonball to an inhabited village. Turns out it was a hairpiece for a bride-to-be named Lenne. Almost simultaneously, we learned about a monster that was terrorizing these villagers. Its name...Zunama. He was obsessed with finding a bride and this young lady looked to be his choice. She was to be a sacrafice of sorts, to save the village from his ability to start earthquakes and volcanic eruptions. Gladly and without consultation, Pan volunteered us to play "hero" and stop this monster once and for all. For some reason I can't help but think of her father during his Great Saiyaman days. Luckily, Pan omitted the awful poses. But once I realized her plan, I would do anything to do stupid poses...anything other than what I had to do! My father would cry! No, he'd snip my balls off and tell me if I wanted to be a woman so bad, then I needed to look the part.
And what did I have to do? Namely, don that bridal gown and pretend I was that young bride...complete with make-up, wig, and feminine pitched voice and motions. Now I've been around women before, but I never thought I'd have to be one! Pan will owe me big for this one. Still, even I can't stand to see that young woman denied her true love (a local villager named Dommo) and have to suffer indignities with that monster. I dare say, my acting skills were pretty decent...until I got to the beast's cave...err home. We tried to get him drunk, but come to find out, he wasn't much of a drinker. After trying to get him to drink, I gave up and splashed it over his food when he wasn't looking. He eventually became drunk. But in the efforts, I lost my wig and smeared the make-up. How women keep that stuff on their face through the day is a mystery I never want to know! Anyway, after quick thinking, I found that he liked the short-hair Treance better than his intended bride! Swell...he even has some pink lingerie for me. Okay, I draw the line here. I refuse to put THAT on! Just looking at it tells me that my gender will be given away very quickly. There's just some parts of a man's body that can't be hidden by tight, skimpy articles of clothing! So help me if Pan tries to use any of this against me when we return, I will, I will, well, I don't know, but she won't like it. I can just hear Capsule Corp employees laughing in my wake...the corporate president who in his part time, dresses in drag. Yeah, that kind of news would work wonders for our stock price...NOT!
Thank goodness for Pan's knack in timing. She, the groom-to-be, and Goku arrived to back me up. With the huge scissors, they manage to cut off one of the monster's antannae...the apparent source of his powers. He wakes before the other could be cut. What a nasty drunk he is! Caught off guard, I was knocked across the room. What manner of beast is he that he would knock his newlywed wife like that?! Waitaminute, what am I saying...I quickly reverted back into men's clothing. Drafts in the strangest places was not my idea of fun. After a bit of fighting and outrunning an erupting volcano, we managed to escape and learn a new fact. Zunama did not actually "cause" the earthquakes and eruptions but rather simply had the ability to detect when they would occur. He was helpless once we learned that little fact. Zunama eventually turned "good" and became a helpful asset to the villagers who eventually forgave him for his previous actions. In a way, I actually enjoy being a "hero". I could probably get used to that warm, mushy feeling of doing good for others. But there's also a bit of my blood that curdles at that thought. Hmm, wonder where or rather WHO that came from? I already know. Thanks dad.
Needless to say, we stopped the bad, helped bring true love back together, AND got the 6 star dragonball for all our efforts! But, ah, while we were basking in our victory some creep stole the dragonball right out of our hands! So, that is where we are now, in hot pursuit of the ship the dragonball stealer was in. You'll know in my next update whether or not we manage to chase down this creep and get our dragonball back .
P.S. Dear little Pan, if you ever do read this journal, you should know that I will never forgive you for the indignity of having to don that dress and insult my manhood. You and your planning. What controlled me to accept that damn plan of yours in the first place? I may never know the answer to that, but you do still owe me...somehow, someway.